The day I gave birth

December 16, 2021

The day I gave birth

" It felt like I didn't give birth to my son."

It was so early in the morning. about 5am. I went to the toilet and to my surprise my undie has blood stained. It's not fresh stain, seemed like it leaked out few hours ago because it was brown coloured. Then I pee-ed to my surprise I felt a gush of liquid it felt like blood clot coming out together with the pee. Oh, I stood up and saw blood clots in the toilet bowl. "Oh wow, is he coming out today?"

That day, I had a check-up with the clinic for my 39th+2 weeks. Told the doc that I have blood stain this morning. She replied, "Why don't go to the hospital?" I am waiting for the right timing to go because it doesn't happened so fast right I told her (No one knows it took 36 hours to dilate fully My goodness). She asked if I want to check for the dilation or not. I didn't know how to respond, so just nodded off. She checked on me, it was so so so uncomfortable and she said probably 0.5 cm only. So its just started....

I fed my dogs and see them for the last time before I'm going into labour and postpartum. (Going to miss them so much!) Still able to walk around it felt nothing except on and off contraction pain. I still can withstand the pain though.

So I was thinking whether to go to the hospital or not because the contraction feel like getting stronger and stronger. So off we went to the hospital. I was wheeled to the observation ward by the attendant, I told him that I can still walk but he insisted, probably is the SOP (It was the first time I am wheeled *laugh with cries*)

Hence, I was questioned by the nurse (probably a trained midwive) on various thing on the things I encountered. Then she checked on me, like what the doctor did to me earlier in the morning. Again, she said it was about 1 cm dilated. To my surprise that cervix really took a long long long time to open because the margin was about 4 to 5 hours and I'm only 1 cm dilated. Talked to the doctor, and she asked if I wanted to go home first ? In the end, we went home and waited. I had my last macdonald's sundae cone before reaching home.

I went home and so contractions come and go from time to time. Bla bla bla, then I finally admit into the hospital about 11pm that day. That was the longest night ever. Mr H was beside me the entire journey. Thank God, if not I think I will die hysterically in the room alone LOL not because of pain but loneliness. About 12am, we were in the labour room waiting for my dilation to reach 10 cm. That time it was about 1.5 cm only!

Contractions on and off kept on happening the entire night.

In the morning, about 5am, my water finally broke. I remembered it was about 2.5cm (the nurse checked) when the gush of water came out of me. And so, when the doctor came around 7 or 8 am, she did the checking again, it was about 4 cm. She did ask me whether I want epidural or inducing? I said no though. Still remain sensible enough. So the contractions still going on for another few more hours.

At one point it was quite painful and the nurse asked if I want painkiller. I took the painkiller. And my cervix is still taking its sweet time to dilate. The side effect of the painkiller makes me vomit.

1,2,3,4pm clocked in. I'm still yet to push.

I forget how many cm I am dilated at which hour. All I know it was so fucking slow...

The time came for my cervix to dilate to 10 cm but the head was not locked onto my pelvic according to the older midwive beside the younger midwive.

Oh I took the gas too, which I think is really no use lo, lol, thanks to the sister who persuaded me to take it.

The only thing I remembered is I pushed for 2 hours. At the point when I was to push at every single contraction, I felt that the contraction was not as strong as before, it felt like its getting weaker though. All the pushing did not go to the right place though. The weird thing was I was 10 cm dilated =.=!

Another 10 mins of pushing and the doc will conduct the caesarean.

At about 7pm I was pushed into the OT with contractions going on and off still. I was sedated and then the next thing I knew was, my body was moved side to side and so many people were talking. I was shivering and then I was vomitting laying down. WTF, that is the weirdest posture of vomitting I had, luckily the nurse was sucking out the vomit if not I would go berserk swallowing the vomit =.=!!

Then, I heard a cry. Like a freaking cry. "Is that my baby?"

Oh wow, everything happened like a lightning struck. I think it only took 15 mins for my baby to be out from my womb.

My baby is out there, crying. The next thing, the baby was placed onto my cheek, for a while by the nurse. Okay, he's alive and look normal to me.

So I was still shivering (side effect from the anesthesia), and cleaning up and stitching and then it ended. The doctor asked me, "Do you know how big is your baby?" She said, "3.88kg!" "It's a month's size!"

I guessed he is pretty big though >.<

And so, my labour experience happened this way.

Following up with the gynae, she said that if I have another baby, I still can give birth naturally though, but still depending on the baby weight, and all, she said it could be genetic factor too. During my pregnancy, I didn't think I am over eating, I didn't eat like a monster too, I am still waiting for the binge eating period it never happened to me lol. Thinking back, it could be genetic factor as well because my family are bigger in size and MrH's family is not small as well. So double the happiness double the size WTF. After all the weight doesn't do any justice too because it still fall under normal weight, probably its just the structure of the bone is generally big. I don't know because there is no one to compare thanks to MCO.

Now, writing this entry while rocking him using my leg, I still can't believe I gave birth to him. I didn't experience the most painful period for natural birth, and my wound healed pretty quick and not much pain felt after though. During the postpartum period, my wound was fine and the pain I felt was only the tension on the abdomen. I consider my body is good in health still. It was bearable for me. All the fuss I thought of is I can't sleep sideways because the womb is still jingling out and if I tried to sleep sideway it didn't feel good.

Forget all about it, now that I'm back in action, feel comfortable with my body except that I am still waiting for the baby to grow bigger so that I can carry him around when I want to do things around.

Oh ya, my pants still not zip-able! My belly button is still not completely inside. I'm still okay with my body though :P I'm 3 kg away from my original weight.

In conclusion, my giving birth experience was incomplete one, that's why I quoted on above, it doesn't feel like I gave birth to my son. Anyway, hooolaaasss to baby care!

Motherhood

Congrats to myself ! I'm technically officially a mum for the next 365 days till I'm dead. Lol-ed. From breastfeeding to changing diapers to cleaning over the shits. Currently my life is quite a routine and considering I still have some time to blog here because at least I don't have to work, but I'm still working anyway. I would say, I manage it quite okay except that my cooking becomes bizarrely weird and quick and tasteless lol. Luckily MrH has been helping out at times because we are working at the same place we are staying. But most of the time its just me hahaha. So its pretty convenient to me.

Of course sometimes when things don't go the way I want it, I just got to let it go and don't have to be perfect in everything because it will just bring another chaos in your life. I have to constantly remind myself that everything will not be permanent, time will pass and taking care of a baby is not easy but at the same time it is rewarding as well (Only moms understand I guess).

Being a mum makes you be a responsible person which I feel that its an experience that not everyone is willing to do or able to do. I would say that it makes me learn, from scratch, to observe everything that happens to your baby. The first two weeks were not really good for me because he had jaundice and I'm still physically unfit to take care of my baby which makes me feel so vulnerable, I remember that one time I cried to MrH telling him I'm so suffering LOL I didn't know what made me say that because my life is pretty good. Probably its all the hormonal thingy and the period that I'm experiencing. And also the breastfeeding stress.

After all everything has stalled down and I'm getting more comfortable with a new comer in our life. For now, I would be happier if covid didn't happen and allow me to go outside more(shopping mall hahaha) with my baby without worrying the risk of getting infected. Anyway, life goes on and I gotta live with Covid too, my son as well. Time will pass and wound will heal, baby will grow and I shall pass too.

Nevertheless, its a new journey ahead with more shortcomings! Kudos to myself and my motherhood journey, of course with the presence of MrH! Let's kick start our new journey with Hsun Yang :3 Though generally we have very short meal time and sometimes lonely meal time, but time will pass for sure! Can't wait for three of us to have dinner together.